The disenchanted pony
That was the name of the last blog I wrote back in...2012 I guess. It's a lyric lifted from a Belle&Sebastian song. I think it sums me up pretty well. I also think on a good day I look like a horsebird but that's a whole other story. Maybe. I mean there probably isn't a story here, I'm just typing because I am all up in that bullshit called "my feelings" and it's been a real rollercoaster this year. Plus last year too. A little more on the history of my blogging and then I'll get to the not-point. Is anybody old enough to have used MySpace??? I am. And I did. You could blog on your page and I would post daily, usually while drunk and often AT someone in some way. Is it true that all of MySpace from before 2016 or 2015 has disappeared??? I can't remember my password and I no longer have access to the yahoo email account I used to sign up for it. So I can't reset. So I'll never have to relive all the drunk things I did and wrote too much about which I want to say would be humiliating. But it'd probably be funny. That blog didn't have a name like the Disenchanted Pony did. And I had to get rid of The Disenchanted Pony because I had only one reader and I was writing to him directly. He was a married Norwegian guy who said he was leaving his wife, who said our kids would have red hair and green eyes as we ate pizza on a rainy Wednesday afternoon in Bed-Stuy. We went back to my place and did it. I was in love! I could't believe it. I was a little over one year sober and, believe it or not, waaaay more bonkers than I am today. It doesn't feel like I'm bonkers in the moments, it always makes sense, what could possibly go wrong? What went wrong that rainy Wednesday was his wife went through his emails while he was walking the dog. And we were not allowed to see or speak to each other ever again. We did talk one more time, under a tree. He said he was going back to Norway and leaving me and his wife. I used Instagram to spy on both of them for a whole summer. I knew when he got back. I knew he went upstate with her, they were building a house up there. I knew he got her AN OLD BATHTUB AND STUCK IT IN THE WOODS AND DREW HER A BATH AND LIT CANDLES! I thought maybe he was just being...nice and helping her with the house because I'm an idiot. And I knew he was reading my blog which I wrote to him every day because he's the only person who ever did read it and I could look at the statistics and see the views and the general geographic location they were coming from. I finally wrote him an email and kind of threatened him . He wrote back saying he had gone back to her because she was his wife and he had made vows he had to honor. And with that I was over it. Also I'm over this blog, I have to pee and go walk to the solution. The guy I want to write this blog at right now will be spared. For now. And my feelings will change again in a minute, I won't be mad and sad anymore. Until I am again. Welcome to an even more unfiltered and totally uninterrupted deep dive into my goddamn id. Suckers!